Run For The Wild

No rest for the wicked! I just got back last week from my runcation but my next race is 32 days. And then last night my sister asked if I wanted to sign up for the Bronx Zoo 5k with her. I’m really excited about this one because (a) I love the Bronx zoo, and (b) I’m so happy that she felt inspired to sign up for another race after doing the 5k in Disney with me last weekend, with a new goal of hopefully doing a 10k next year! I love that she felt good enough after that race to want to do more. That’s how I feel with runDisney races and it makes me so happy that I’m infecting others with fitness goals, haha! I even met one of my followers while I was at the event, whom I inspired to do races too. It feels really good when you’re able to make an impact on other people’s lives, even if they are small ripples that you’re creating.

Helping people on their way to fitness and better health is a really rewarding way to give back, I feel. And with this Bronx zoo 5k run, we’re doing it twofold. Not only are we working towards a better health, it’s also a fundraiser charity race to help protect endangered species in the world. An animal is picked each year to represent and be the focus of the charity and this year is rhinos! We just saw and learned about rhinos too while we were in Disney, on our Kilimanjaro safari ride. They’re endangered unfortunately due to poachers hunting them for their horns, believing that the horns hold medicinal healing properties. In reality, they’re simply made up of keratin, the same protein that make up our hair and fingernails. So why do saving the rhinos matter? It doesn’t directly affect you and me but they’re part of the circle of life, as cliche and Disney as that sounds. They are a key component in the ecosystem where they are found because they’re major grazers. They help maintain the diverse grasslands they live on, which countless other species depend on, plants and other animals included. The endangerment of rhinos could have a trickle down effect on other species as well if a healthy balance of the ecosystem is not maintained. Other species of animals can be lost too if they don’t have a place to thrive. Rhinos going extinct can have an impact on the population of other animals that depend on rhinos maintaining the environment in which they thrive in, meaning your own favorite animal could be lost too. There have been studies done that show what the lands look like over time due to dwindling rhino populations. Less rhinos results in shorter grass, and less vegetation, and in turn, less growth and natural resources for both animals and the local communities that depend upon the land. I mean, come on, we all saw the Lion King. We saw what happened when Scar took over and disregarded the circle of life and the savanna turned into a shell of what it once was because they over hunted.

Anyways, let’s cut this social studies lesson short. I’m pumped to run this 5k for charity next month and thanks to my friends and followers on Instagram today, I met both my personal and group fundraising goal! My baby sister who also has signed up to run, has also met her personal goal for the run. My sister who started us on this, is still $35 away from her goal. If you’re interested in donating to help us save the animals, please donate in her name to help us reach our goals! Helping her to meet her goal, contributes to the team donations as well so helping her, helps me, which in turn helps our overall teamwork contribution towards protecting the safety of endangered species! You can find our team page here and her name is Trami. If you can spare even $5, it would really mean a lot to us, or anything you’re able to give. And just because we met our group goal, doesn’t mean the fight is over! We are still actively fundraising up until the day of the race next month and accepting donations for anyone else who would love to help, as its all for charity and goes straight to the Wildlife Conservation Society’s efforts for the animals. If you donate, please let me know who you are so I can personally thank you for all your help.💗

Again, I do want to repeat that I’m really humbled by all your big hearts and love today from everyone who took the time out to read, donate, or even share that we’re doing this to help get the word out. Even if you can't donate, letting other people know who can and are interested in helping is a big help to us! My faith in humanity is restored from time to time when I see all you amazing people doing selfless acts of kindness for loved ones and even people you barely know. There are so many good Samaritans left in the world still with such big hearts. It reminds me that I need to sit back once in a while and count my blessings. I need to practice gratitude more. I’m really just in awe of how much love I am fortunate enough to have in my life. Through family, friends, coworkers, strangers, followers, internet friends. And I should be grateful for everything my body does for me, EVERYDAY. Especially after everything I put it through. I GET to wake up, I GET to go work out, I GET to reach all my fitness goals because of it. Even through little sleep and high activity, it was still there for me and pushed me through all 3 days of races. We need to be more grateful of how much our bodies endure and are still there for us when we need it to show up. Don’t ever take your health for granted. Don’t take the love in your life for granted. Don’t ever take any part of what makes you happy for granted.

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

The Fairy Tale Challenge

I know I carry myself a certain way on my Instagram, on social media. I come off strong, maybe a little too much for some people, but hey, that’s why you keep scrolling or unfollow if it’s not your cup of tea. I have a lot of things riding against me as well. I’m a girl. I’m a minority. I’m Asian. I’m small. I’m [bottle] blonde. I’ve been underestimated because of my tiny stature. And I don’t fit into what people expect. One of the things is that as much as I joke about how much I hate myself, I actually don’t hate myself. I actually very much enjoy being me. Yes, there’s room for improvement in my life but I do actually like my life and how I live it. And women who do love themselves, I’ve learned, intimidate people. Which is probably what scares or turn some people off.

But just because I’m too much for some people, will never be enough reason for me to dim my own light. Everything I do, I do it for myself, not for the haters watching waiting for me to fail. And yes, I’m not stupid, I l know I will definitely fail from time to time as I’m human, but more often than not, I will try to get back up and try again. I’m a stubborn little Scorpio dragon. Even if the odds are against me sometimes. I feel that scene when Captain America tightens the strap on his shield and gets back up to give it another go at the end of Endgame. Because for every hater out there watching, there’s at least 5 times that watching you who are inspired by your actions. And you don’t even know it. Just by showing up, being honest and sharing your value, you give someone the courage to make a life changing decision. Or even a life saving decision. You don’t even know the ripples you create sometimes, just by getting up in the morning. Your IG story might be what they look forward to every day. It’s the push they need to keep going. I stopped recording my gym sessions a while back because I thought they were boring and repetitive once I reached my goals, but I had a few requests so I brought it back. And I was overwhelmed by the amount of people who do enjoy them and want to keep watching and following them. And the people who decided to get up and be more active and have sent me DMs about how much weight they lost, or how they overcame their social anxiety and fear of working out in a gym, or how they started to run too because they saw me run! It’s amazing.

But enough digression, the main point is that this year, I’m going to take on a 5k, a 10k and a half marathon back to back in 38 days. The fairy tale challenge is the 10k and the half, but I made the really horrible decision in wanting to do all 3 races available that weekend.😅 A couple of years ago, actually yes, exactly two years ago when I started my weight loss and fitness journey, if you had told me I would be doing this, I would have laughed in your face. I was still sitting on the weight machines, in tears in front of my trainer feeling hopeless that I would never lose the weight I piled on. Yes I was literally sitting at the gym in tears crying like a damn loser, that depressed about my weight. I felt like I hit rock bottom and like my weight was spiraling out of control, feeling like nothing I was doing was working. I wasn’t a runner. I wasn’t a weightlifter. I wasn’t athletic. I never played a sport. I didn’t even enjoy exercise. But 2 years later, here I am. Who am I?!? I know it’s definitely cliche, but I can definitely say 2020 me is a different person. She doesn’t recognize January 2018 me. But that’s what’s so great about being human. You have the ability to decide to change and grow into something else. Something new and something different whenever you decide you’re ready to get a little out of your comfort zone.

And I’ll be honest. As strong as I come off in the first two paragraphs and on my daily IG stories, I’ll tell you right now, I’m actually terrified of what’s to come in the next 5 weeks! Yes, I too am allowed to have my own vulnerable moments. I’m worried about not meeting my training goals. Of not training properly. Of not having enough energy to make it through all 3 races. Of being too tired to do both the races and the days at the parks. Of possible injury. I’m scared of everything that could go wrong. It’s funny because I had the same scenario running in my head last year. I was the train trying to push myself up the hill going “I think I can” until I finally crossed the finish line and was so elated that I could! So why is it happening all over again when I know I have it in me to do it? Well for starters, I’ve never done 3 races back to back like this before. Early 3am wakeup calls. I’m trying to strategize how to go about my day to conserve as much energy as possible but still maximize my time in the parks. I put a lot on my plate and the only thing that’s giving me faith but at the same time giving me stress is that so many other people do it and have done it. So I know it’s definitely doable. But I don’t want to compare myself to others as well. Just because they can do it, does not necessarily mean I can. Their circumstances may be better. They may have an edge. Or I just might be psyching myself out in the long run. Although I do want to state that my anxiety and worries about this? Applies to almost everything in life that seems hard before you finally take it on and conquer it. That’s not to trivialize it, but rather give you a sense of relief that you’re not alone. In the end, remind yourself that you’re going to succeed in anything you set your mind to. And if you fail, it’s not the end, it’s just a bump in the road to get back up and try again, or try something different til you get the result you want. It’s not always about whether you need to do it today, but rather how many more days it will take if you don’t start on it today.

Currently I’m trying to train with tips from RunDisney’s Jeff Galloway training program, but on a more aggressive schedule. Last year my standard run after my workouts were 5ks, and this past year I tried to amp it up to 10ks to get my body used to longer runs so that I could do 5ks and 10ks back to back easily. So the first two days of the races shouldn’t be hard. It’s that half that I’m really worried about because as memory serves, the first time around, I conquered it but it was definitely HARD. I haven’t ran that distance in one shot since. It was definitely a challenge, and that’s why I still have no courage to take on a full marathon. A half is hard enough. Until the half becomes how my 5ks and 10ks are norms, a full marathon will always feel like Mount Everest. Baby steps.
I’m also trying to be aggressive in my training by keeping up with my weight lifting. The problem with running is that when you run, you run it ALL off. Cardio does not discriminate, it will literally run it all off. That’s why a runner’s body is different from someone who lifts. I don’t want to lose the muscle tone I gained from lifting so I’m currently trying to balance both lifting and running at the same time. It’s daunting to say the least but I did it last year so I know I can do it again. Currently, I’m trying to lift at least 3-4 days a week, and run at least 3 times a week. I’ll do at least one long run, and every time I do a long run, I try to add on 2-3 kms more than the last long run. If my legs are too sore from the last run, I walk to get some steps and mileage in to help work on stamina and endurance. I know I have to work on my warm-up and cool downs. I tend to just go for it when I start running, which was a part of my downfall last year when I had my knee problems. But I did start doing my stretches again that I learned from physical therapy, which I know helped immensely on my overall performance.
If you’re looking for running tips and how to prep for races though, runDisney has a lot of great advice for free all on their website here. I don’t heed every single one because I’m just an idiot who likes to punish myself but the tips that I did incorporate into my running and form, I found very helpful. They have both programs/schedules for beginners and more experienced runners and you can modify them to your liking. I’m currently training similar to last year since it worked (I got cleared for PT mid January and only had 5 weeks left to train and so I amped it up and killed myself for 5 weeks last year) but it shouldn’t be as bad as last year since I have been running regularly for the most part year round.

I also have to focus on keeping my nutrition/diet on point, low carbs and high protein, saving the carbload for closer to race days. I aim for 8 hours of sleep a night, and this I really need to focus on since I learned last year that as long as your sleep and nutrition game is on point, you’ll be fine the week of. One sleepless night before your race won't affect your performance. What matters more is whether you've been able to get good sleep in the week leading up to the race. Although fingers crossed this year I don’t get race jitters insomnia the night before the big one again.

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

I know I need to take my own advice, but in the end, I just need to stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited of what could GO RIGHT. Because once I conquer this, the next mountain to climb…is a full marathon. I don’t know if that’s better or worse, though, hahahahahahahaha KILL ME.

The Next Hurdle

Would you believe me if I told you 10 years ago I almost dropped out of pharmacy school?

I walked out of St John’s pharmacy building after checking one of my exam grades, in tears. I was really worried about how the rest of the semester would go. I failed an exam of a class that banked on just two exams for your final grade. Nothing else. No homework, participation, etc. And if you failed that class, it barred you from taking the rest of the semester’s classes because of the way St John’s sets up the program. It’s all or nothing, which is a really terrible idea for a program honestly and sets you up for failure. Nevermind that their ‘teaching’ methods are honestly a joke. But back to the point. I was on the brink of “Is this really for me?,” “How am I ever going to pull this off?,” “There’s no way I can pass with a high enough score to even out this failing grade…” I was ready to walk into the dean’s office and tell him that was it. I was done.

So I did. I walked into the pharmacy building the next day to talk to the head chair and… was talked out of it, lol. You know one of the funniest things about St John’s (at the time at least) was that the professors are absolute hell out to fail you, but Dean Mangione and Assistant Dean Joseph Etzel are absolute sweethearts. They somehow talked me off the ledge and back into the fray. I wish I remembered how but all I remember was walking away from that meeting and working towards giving it one last shot. I mustered up my courage to ask my classmates and friends for help and in the end, the people who are still in my life today, are the people that came through. They sent me all their notes, exam study tips, old exams, study sheets, etc. They would text me after their own exam, circling everything they could remember so I would know what to focus on and study. And then in 2012, spoilers, I walked out of those halls with a diploma and pharmacy degree in hand. Later that summer, I passed my licensing exam and was officially a pharmacist.

I did a lot in the past decade when I look back at it. If I had told 2010 me where I would be in 2020, I would've thought she was joking. I mean, I dreamed and had goals but I never really thought I would get it all done. I had no idea back then what it took to plan and execute a wedding. How to buy a car. How to buy a house. Hell, how to take care of your own house as a homeowner. How to take care of shit every time your car decides it wants you to throw more money into it to fix something. How to make your own travel plans. How to travel. How to handle getting sued. How to do your taxes. How to hire a lawyer. How to manage a business like a well oiled machine. How to train people to work the way you want and build a team. How to handle rude and sometimes racist customers hellbent on fighting you and trying to get you to break the law for them. How to fight the red devil and fight fire with fire when being bamboozled by an evil corporation. How to go on job interviews and win them over. How to figure out if the job is right for you and if you're being lowballed. How to adjust to a new job with lower pay but better quality of life in the long run so you downsize to make ends meet. How to live on your own and have to cook and prepare your own meals. How to save and budget. How to entertain guests and throw house/dinner parties. How to go to physical therapy to correct body movement issues so you can run again. How to have balance in your relationships so that both of you are happy. How to set aside time for each other when you're on opposite busy schedules and give the other person room to grow. How to maintain your friendships despite schedules not aligning and how to recognize when to cut the cord on the toxic ones. How to exercise. How to eat clean. How to lose weight and stay on the right track. How to maintain an active lifestyle. How to adult 101. How to, how to, how to.

Every hurdle is scary when you don’t know how to do something. It’s uncomfortable. It makes you feel like giving up a lot, at times. It feels like the little engine that could. You’re just pushing up a hill, worried the whole time that everything is going to crash and burn. Until you finally get through it and you look back and you’re like DAMN. I DID THAT.

And sometimes, like my pharmacy school experience, you’re going to fail. You’re going to fall down a few times and feel like you hit rock bottom. But it doesn’t mean you FAILED-FAILED. It doesn’t mean the end. It just means you gotta get back up and try again. Try something different. Try harder. Ask for help. Look for another way.

This was also me in the past decade as I struggled with my weight issues for a few years trying to find out what worked for my body in order to properly lose the weight I was piling on. I thought cardio and HIIT workouts would help but saw no results. When I finally broke down and reached out for help, a friendly and willing gym member took me on and pushed me through to help me get the results I wanted so badly. I learned discipline, patience and consistency. I learned that weight lifting would not make me ‘bulky.’ And it wasn’t just for guys. It would actually tone me more than any amount of cardio ever would. I learned that my portions were way out of control. I learned to cut back and eat smaller portions and how to select the right foods to lose weight, maintain weight, and to reduce my body’s bloat problems. I learned I actually really like working out and now I continue to do it as part of my daily routine to feel normal and to give me a boost of energy to start my day.

I could go on. There are so many trial and errors, fails, etc that I did in the past 10 years. And they all taught me the same thing, I would say. I am resilient and I am stronger than I know in moments of adversity.

I get asked a lot on how I built such a ‘perfect’ life but there’s nothing easy or perfect about it. My life only looks easy on the internet because let’s face it, no one is posting their failures. But trust me, I’m there struggling and working through it too, like everyone else. I know we all feel like we’re less than perfect but trust me when I tell you that EVERYONE is going through it. The problem truly is that you’re comparing your timeline to someone else’s. But social media is powerful both ways. It also allows people to open up and be vulnerable in sharing their story because they feel courage in other people sharing theirs. It should also give you hope too. If that person can make it through their day despite their obstacles, you can make it through too. Don’t ever feel like you’re less than perfect just because another person on social media’s life looks like sunshine Barbie. You also don’t know what it took for them to get there or what they’re going through. You don’t know their story. But you do know yours and only you have the power to change its course if you don’t like where it’s currently heading. You just have to be willing to put in the work. Remember, no one said it was going to be easy, but I can tell you from my past 10 years of slowly building and putting my life together, it’ll be worth it. And I’m still working on it every day, one small step at at time.

Some of my hurdles for my next decade are conquering my student loan debt and managing my mortgage. Working on building my savings to be comfortable enough for if and when we decide to have kids. And if that happens, that’s going to be an even bigger hurdle on its own. Ideally, I would like to have a kid before I’m 36 if we do go down that path. I would love to have a dragon baby, same as me and my baby sister. But if we choose not to, we’re actually okay with that too. I’d also ideally would like to move out of NY one day and live in another state or another country. I just haven’t figured out the logistics in terms of pharmacy license transfer or just an all around career change. And sadly the places I want to live, aren’t exactly cheap either. But at least my husband is on the same page and willing to move when I’m ready. I’ll always be an NY girl at heart, but I do feel like there’s more out there for me. And if it falls through and I end up having to move back to NY, well, that’s okay too. It’s not the end. It’s a learning process. And when I talk to people who have made the move, it feels doable. I just have to be in a more financially stable stage of life to be more successful at making the move work. I also do have to downsize because if I eventually do move, I don’t want to take everything with me. I actually kind of want to start fresh. I want to work on that this year actually. Getting rid of a lot of clutter in my life. It’s funny because my personality is definitely EXTRA AF, but sometimes I wish I was a more simpler person in some ways. I think I’m going to get rid of a lot of jewelry and accessories and obnoxious VS bras sitting around in my closet untouched. Sometimes I want to throw it all out and hit the reset button. Maybe that’s what my 30s and this new decade is going to be about. Re-invention. Rebirth. Reborn into my next stage of life. My style has definitely toned down a lot since college days of 2010, that’s for sure. Some things have stayed the same and some things I’ve moved on from. I used to be afraid of throwing stuff out, thinking I might want this or need this later on, but I’ve learned to let go. There will always be something else.

I’m scared of failing as I tackle on the next stage of my life but I do believe at this point in my life, I do have enough support systems to help cushion the fall and help me get back on my feet when the time comes. I’m scared of taking the risks I know I’m going to have to take when I finally make the jumps I keep putting off because of my fear, but I’m working on learning to accept the failures to come as well as looking at life as “what IF I succeed?” instead of looking at all the worse case scenarios. I should plan accordingly to WHEN I succeed instead of prepping myself for if I don’t since the failures are just small stepping stones to push me further back up. This is probably why I’m so lost right now. I finished everything I set out to do post college but I never planned for anything after that. I need to set some new long term goals now that the old dreams are no longer dreams. I have no idea what I really want to accomplish in the next 10 years besides getting rid of my financial shackles and then traveling the world with the boy and my loved ones. I am also afraid of setting goals though because of the fear of failure. I mean, you can’t be disappointed if you didn’t have expectations set up, right? But there’s no fun in that. With great risk, there is also the possibility of greater rewards. I can’t and I shouldn’t live my life in fear. There are plenty of people out there with half my potential risking it and killing the game. So I really need to step up and take a chance and get through these hurdles. I need to and want to find more mountains to climb!

What are YOU looking to hurdle through for the next decade? Let’s see where I end up in the next 10 years!