Intro

June 1, 2018

I figured I should probably start with a little bit more about myself. I imagine most people coming here are from my Instagram but of course, every so often we have someone new to the rodeo and aren't familiar with my brand of humor, sass and personality. Some people like to try me and you know what they say about playing with fire. So if you don't like what I post, let's start right here by showing yourself out the door. I'm not a nice girl, but I'm also not a mean girl for no reason. All that aside, let's begin!

I'm RxBarbie, which I prefer to be called by unless you are a close friend or family. I'm 29 and slightly terrified but slowly becoming okay with turning 30 soon. I'm the oldest of 5 kids and my mom is terribly mad at me for still not giving her any grandkids because I'm still too busy YOLO-ing. I work in healthcare and although I did not initially go into the field for any genuine interest or passion in it, I've grown to appreciate and like my job.

I don't know what my story is. Maybe it's a Vietnamese-American Cinderella story. Oh yes, I'm also Vietnamese. But I was born in Thailand because my parents were in a refugee camp at the time trying to make their way to America to seek a better life and escape aftermath of the war even though it was long over(Just because a war is "over" does not mean its people do not have to deal with repercussions years later but that's another topic for another time.). I emigrated here with my grandfather and my parents when I was about one. I grew up pretty poor but my parents always made sure we had enough to eat. My mom made all my clothes or collected hand me downs from family friends or searched through church donations. I stood on line with her at food pantries and watched at the grocery store as she filled out WIC checks and bought food for all us kids on with food stamps. We really did start at the bottom. But it helped me learn the value of the dollar and to work hard to build myself and my family a better life. We struggled so that we could build a better future for ourselves. I did really well in high school but not so well in college. I almost dropped out. It was one of the wake up calls in my life that I needed to get my shit together. And I did. One of the things I've learned going through all the trials in life that I've been handed, is that no matter how much something sucks or how hard life seems, I can get through it. "This too shall pass" has always been my mantra.

I'm still not rich today but I do consider myself pretty successful in all my endeavors. I don't look like it but when it comes down to it, I would consider myself a pretty simple girl. I just want to be happy. I set out to do a lot of things and I've done most of it for the most part. I built my life from the ground up with my own two hands.

The funny thing is, besides paying off my ball and chain student loans and mortgage, I don't have much in terms of goals right now. I accomplished most things I set out to do already. The last thing now I guess is to start a family but the problem there is, I'm not really sure that's the path I want, at least not for right now. I just want to have fun and go on adventures with my loved ones. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I love eating - I'm a foodie, and I love taking pictures. I love dressing up - I will gladly do it for almost any occasion or even no occasion at all. I like putting together outfits and looks and photo documenting everything as you can see from all my social media accounts. I'm also very vain, guilty as charged.

I originally had my career goals set on fashion back in high school. But upon senior year while I did get into FIT, my parents refused to let me choose that path. It was medicine or bust. I didn't want to go to medical school. I knew I didn't want to be trapped in 12+ years of school. I have a family friend who's much older than me and she's still going to school. Plus I don't deal well with blood and I didn't want to touch people. I like helping people but I didn't want to do all the dirty work nurses and doctors do with direct contact with patients. Don't get me wrong, I give them mad props for what they go through everyday, but it wasn't for me. OB/Gyns make a lot of money but I knew there was no way I wanted to look at, or even touch that shit all day. I don't have the stomach for it.

In my senior year budget project for Economics class, we had to put together a whole portfolio of how we would survive in the real world with our chosen profession. I looked up several careers in the medical field and I stumbled upon pharmacy. It fit everything I was looking for to please my parents. It was about 6-8 years in school depending on the school, which I considered doable, and the salary was pretty decent. When I plugged in the numbers in how I wanted to live, bills and all, it worked out. So after the project was over, I actually started looking into it as a major for college since I had yet to decide on one. Luckily a few of the schools I applied to actually did have pharmacy as a major. In terms of the workload and dedication, I had no idea what I was in for, honestly. So yes, it was quite a rude awakening at the time when I crossed that bridge.

I also didn't know much about pharmacy other than retail stores. I didn't know about all the different settings you could work in like industrial, business, hospital, government, etc. It's funny because at the time I only knew about retail and thought this would be the rest of my life. When I got there with my hand in the actual field and on the job, it was okay at first until corporate started getting more and more ridiculous. I quit after about 3 years and switched over to hospital. So far I find hospital better than retail but sometimes I wonder if there's something more for me out there, either pharmacy or something completely different. But at the same time, I struggle with change. Sometimes change is good, but it's scary to take that leap. It's human nature to be afraid of change but they do say the most growth happens when you leave your comfort zone. I'm slowly doing that in my life with other aspects but I've always been a play it safe person who likes the comfort of knowing what's going to happen and calculating my every move before I make the jump, so it's hard for me to become more of a person who's willing to take risks. I wish I was though. I really envy some of my peers who were able to take chances and succeed. I went to high school with a friend who is now living it up in LA, streaming on Twitch regularly and making a living off of simply playing video games on the internet while people watch and donate and subscribe to his stream. Another friend from high school plays Smash all around the country. I watched Jessica Nigri go from simple congoer with her original Pikachu costume all those years ago when cosplay was not even a thing yet, to making cosplay a full time career traveling all over the world. I was there when Michelle Phan was the first makeup YouTuber showing girls how to wing their eyeliner, to now having her own makeup company and empire. And now all these girls on Instagram that get paid to go to beautiful places around the world and take beautiful photos of them traveling. The funny thing is, I don't yearn for this fame. I just yearn for the ability to do what you love and get paid for it. I like pharmacy and enjoy my job, but I can't say I LOVE it. But at the same time, I wonder if I would be able to handle that. I'm always afraid that if you turn your hobby into your job, you lose your love for it when it becomes more work than fun. Maybe I just haven't found that balance yet. But I'm also not 100% sure what I would love to do and get paid for it. Is living in Disney a full time job? Le sigh.