If The Shoe Fits

March 10, 2024

Went to a running store for the first time and finally got evaluated and fitted for new running shoes. They recommended a pair of Brooks, a pair of Sauconys and a pair of Hokas. I went with the Hokas but choosing between them felt like when your eye doctor asks you 1 or 2 because they all felt similar on. Only time will tell if they’ll work out, but I really hope they do because they were expensive and it’s only a 2 week trial period for store credit. I’ve been wearing my true size all along but was told to try wearing half a size up to allow for swelling, being a long distance runner. I ran back on the track again for the first time today and it felt great. I really miss running laps on a track. I also want to find new running trails this year as well.

Also got some new cute stuff from Popflex lately since they finally started making cuter stuff and in lighter colors again. All the active wear lately has been making more basic boring neutrals and mature colors which was safe on my wallet but sad for my mental health since new workout clothes always makes me happy and renew my motivation to want to kick it in the gym. It’s funny because before they came out with their new ballet skirts and buttercream color and soft girly pink tones, I was trying to cycle through all my current gym clothes and put together fun outfits. I was having fun looking cute for the gym and it helped me get back into the habit of doing weights in the morning with a walk afterwards to get my steps in, and Pilates at night after work. I’m hoping to continue this habit but I also want to try and finish my Pilates earlier to get to bed earlier. I’m still working on trying to build in rest days and this is something I really have to work on, since it probably isn’t healthy for me to be GOGOGOGOing at full speed all the time and may have been a contributor to the culmination of my stress this week. I need to schedule time for my body to rest so it doesn’t become a regular occurrence and turn into me being such a mess with my hormones spiking. Maybe this was my body telling me it’s exhausted. I need to learn to listen.

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Also here’s a little photo dump of 2024 so far. I’m still trying to blog more but I don’t always want to really make a whole thing of one day so here’s a mix of everything so far.

Tried some new food places and found a cute new restaurant in Flushing that serves Hong Kong style comfort food and I really loved it. All the food was pretty simple but sometimes that’s all you need to hit the spot. Tried out a new hotpot place with a ferris wheel gimmick which was really cute but being out of the way and limited menu, it was a one and done. Took my dad out for dinner since my mom left him for 3 weeks to go to Vietnam by herself and found a new ramen spot combined with a seafood boil restaurant. The ramen was ok but the seafood boil was really good with generous helpings. Also went to a Chinese BBQ for Valentine's that was really cute too with some Instagrammable gimmicks. I might go back and take my parents because they would love that shit.

Also tried my hand at making my own deco phone case and it didn’t turn out half bad. I actually love it but discovered it’s hard for me to use because we’re at the age where phones charge wirelessly now so I have to take the case off at night to charge it by my bedside. So I might just use it for special occasions like on vacations when I just bring wires to charge. It was fun learning how to pipe icing and picking out all the cute little deco pieces. I wish I knew how to do this back when I was always switching out my obnoxious phone cases. I find it so crazy how nowadays I just use a simple silicone case and slap a sticker on it.

I’ve also been putting together outfits again for work and doing fit checks for fun. I do miss this although it does take an extra few minutes that I could be using to get to work sooner so I don’t have to run across the parking lot so fast to clock in. I’ll never change even though I say I want to be better, lol. The security guard stopped me this week though and said something cute but funny to me. He asked me if I saw the Barbie movie (which duh, I said yes) and said that every time I walk into work, he thinks I look like something out of the movie with my outfits. Speaking of work, we celebrated Galentine’s which is probably my favorite thing now to celebrate at work. It was so much fun this year having everyone make little Valentine’s for each other and giving them out. And our cute little spread of food made me so happy. I love that everyone got into it and dressed up! It’s really the little things that make life bearable at the moment, lol.

Oh yeah, my childhood best friend had her bridal shower last month and I was so happy to finally see her again. I haven’t seen her in ages, probably before covid and I miss her so much. Her wedding’s next month and fingers crossed, I can make it there.

We finally had some snow this winter, and I was home to experience it with Banh Mi. I hate snow truly but I enjoyed that he got to experience it for the first time since it didn’t snow last year. Although interestingly enough, he’s a little like his mom and not fond of the snow. I got Dario to agree to do a dumb reel trend with me during that snow day and it was a lot of fun too.

I’m still sad I didn’t get to experience Chinese New Year and Sweethearts Nite in Disneyland but my friends Nicole and Matt were so sweet and sent me the cutest care package ever of the exclusive cookies and goodies from the parks! I’m not usually a cookie fiend but they were so good! Something about that Disney infused magic. Everything always tastes better Mickey shaped and it’s so true. I can’t wait for the Halloween races in September to be back there again finally. It all comes back to running. I missed it and I’m happy to be jumping back into it feeling ready. The burnout from it was rough and I’m looking forward to looking forward to runs again instead of dreading it like I was during marathon training. 2024 was feeling a bit rough this week but I’m really determined to pull myself out of this off week and get myself back. That bad bitch is coming back.

Madness

March 8, 2024

I feel like I’m slipping sometimes. The past few years I’ve been in a very weird state. A lot of intrusive thoughts. A lot of doubts. I haven’t really felt like my regular self in a while. I don’t even blog regularly like I used to or want to go on as many adventures for my blog as I used to.

I’ve been suspecting some of it has something to do with my health issues. This past week it culminated into an episode where I felt like my anxiety was at an all time high. I feel like I say this often but it really felt like that all day. You know that feeling you get waiting on line at Disney for a ride, specifically a scary roller coaster, and you’re up next at the gate and finally your ride cart pulls up and you’re right about to get on, but you’re questioning whether you want to get on or not? That knot in your stomach? That was me, but all day. It didn’t go away all day.

On the outside looking in, I probably sound dramatic.

But living it that day, felt like the day was never going to end. I started crying and I couldn’t figure out why. Hinting to my boss of my abnormal cortisol levels lately with my bloodwork, she hinted that I could be experiencing a cortisol spike. Which makes a little more sense, considering my doctor and I have been suspecting hormonal imbalances. I’ve been having trouble finding an endocrinologist to get seen for my issues because all the good ones they recommend are “temporarily not taking new patients unless it’s a medical emergency.” But what is a medical emergency? Does the day I have count? Or would they dismiss that? I feel like everything is dismissed because I’m a woman. Sometimes I dismiss myself and my own feelings because I am a woman. Like I should be able to handle this. What is wrong with me? I’ve never dealt with stress this way. Luckily my boss was a little more sympathetic that day than she usually is and was patient and understanding. My coworkers were also supportive. They wanted me to go down do the ED to get checked out but I really didn’t want to for some reason. I didn’t want to spend hours in the ED to be told they can’t figure it out because what quantitative lab value can they measure for this? They pushed me to take a break in the tranquility room in the meantime and practice meditative breathing exercises. I’m not sure if it helped but it calmed me down for a bit for me to numb the noise. My husband was cute and supportive and offered to pick me up from work if I didn’t feel up to driving home. I got home and still felt odd. I couldn’t do my usual routine getting home from work so I just sat on my bed trying to find peace until I fell asleep.

I feel like as I get older, I’m wondering what’s going on? Why am I not able to handle this as I once could? It’s concerning. And I really want answers. And most of all, I want help. I want to return to my old self. The one who was in control. The one who had it under control. I don’t recognize this person and it’s starting to scare me.

I know this doesn’t really align with all my regular posts as I’m usually more private when it comes to this but I wanted to be more transparent and a little more vulnerable in sharing this. Like a “I have my own bad days too” but seriously, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows over here and it’s important to clarify my entire life is not as much of a highlight reel as it looks. It’s healthy to acknowledge the challenges too. I’m also hoping writing it down and ‘talking’ it out serves as a form of therapy as I navigate these issues. And also, thank you to those who reached out to me and checked up on me. It means a lot that I am on your mind and you’re genuinely concerned for me and want to help. I wish I had the answers but it really is appreciated.

Guess Who's Back

March 3, 2024

Back again.

RxBarbie’s back.

Tell a friend.

It's been a minute!

Actually 116 days since the NYC Marathon when I decided to take a break. I had so much fomo watching everyone's stories for runDisney’s princess weekend and I really do miss it. I have no fomo anymore when I see cosplays and cons but for runDisney, I got really sad about missing out on this year’s princess races. I went for my first run in a while yesterday and it felt really good! I started with a 5 minute warmup walk, ran up to a 5k distance and finished with a 3 minute cooldown. It wasn’t my fastest pace since I wanted to take it easy on my first one back, but it felt really good.

I’m thinking of going to a running store later this week to get evaluated and fitted for new running shoes. I want to get back into running but safely this time around. I’m going back in with experience. I want to be better about proper stretching, warming up, more experimentation til I get the proper fueling right, hydrating, and not overdoing it. I also want to try different training techniques like tempo runs, fartleks, repeats, etc. I want to train WITH INTENTION this time around. I want to get back into regularly running at least twice a week, and then hopefully start a training schedule in a few months to prep for the Halloween race challenge. I also want to figure out a nice balance for all my workouts. I need to figure out how to get my pilates in, while still getting in my lifts and still have time for my runs. And at the same time, trying to keep it as low impact as possible, to not only reduce injury, but work on maintaining my cortisol levels. It’s a lot but I remember I was somehow able to do all this once upon a time when my health was at its best, so I want to get back to it. I do have to prioritize my sleep more and get to bed earlier so I really do need to work on that as well. My biggest challenge is still forcing myself to take a rest day. Even if I do “rest,” I still try to at least walk and get in at least 10,000 steps, so I never really truly rest.

I’ve been making changes since the new year, not because of new year, new me resolutions, but as part of an action plan I set with my doctor to try and get my numbers down and back to normal limits, so I’m hoping all this helps. So far, last week, my bloodwork came back with my cortisol finally normal again, so fingers crossed in a few months when I see my doctor again, everything else will fall in place. I’m still eating the same as I always do, high protein and low carb, and not a lot of processed foods. I’m not eating a restricted diet this time though. I’m trying to eat intuitively. As much as I would love to maintain a certain aesthetic and body type, at the end of the day, I would rather enjoy the foods I eat and the life I live. I’m trying to live a life of balance.

So here’s to this next chapter in my fitness journey because it truly is a journey and a learning experience every step of the way. You are never truly done working on yourself.