I’ve been going back and forth for the past few weeks. I miss my blonde hair so much. Should the queen return? I feel so much more like myself when I’m blonde.

But at the same time, I do appreciate how healthy and shiny and full my natural hair is. And I don’t necessarily hate my dark hair. Looking at all the dark hair photos I took the past 3 years in an effort to strengthen my portfolio in my dark locks, I really do love all the looks I created with it and I do see how some looks contrast better with my natural hair.

I don’t miss the 3 hour processing time it took to redo my roots every month and how much it cost. I contemplated maybe a balayage style so I wouldn’t have to do my roots as often but when it comes down to it, I prefer my hair being all one color instead of a myriad of colors. And all that purple shampoo. I don’t miss having to buy all the expensive hair care products to keep my blonde in tip top shape. All the tiny bottles of Olaplex.

I wish I knew how to do my hair myself. I wish that blonde wasn’t so damaging, and that I wasn’t so drawn to it, of all the hair colors.

Although realistically, if I did want to go back to blonde, I wouldn’t want to do it till after my Japan trip (if that's even still in the cards but I’m really hoping to make it happen) because I would prefer to have my dark hair for photoshoots there to make it easier.

So I have the next few months to sleep on it. But I’ve been honestly mourning my blonde hair since the day I dyed it dark so it’s very unlikely the feeling will change. I figured I’d compile all my “best of” photos of each hair color and see how I feel while I weigh this decision. Especially since it’s a very expensive commitment that requires a lot of maintenance and care.

I went back because I had so much breakage and damage after 10 years of being blonde and the pandemic helped ease me into it when everything was shut down and I wasn’t able to get my roots done for months. But now most the damaged hair has grown out and my hair is nearly all virgin hair again.

I really should be good and leave it alone. But the blonde, she calls to me. I wonder where we’ll be at the end of the year.