I am lucky. I am really lucky. 

I have a husband who drops everything to make me happy. Who tries his damn hardest to make time for me, to be with me, who wants to be with me all the time even if it's doing things only I like to do. And trust me, there's a lot. We don't have a lot in common at all actually. People who know us are always curious as to how we're together knowing our polar opposite personalities. But then they get to know my husband and they see how truly devoted he is to his wife. So it's not always about having anything in common to be with someone. Love is just love.

I also have an amazing family that does a lot for me. My mom, as annoying as she can be sometimes with her bad habits (that I have also inherited - hence why I'm forever late everywhere), will drive me insane but she will also do anything I need. Like fixing both wedding dresses 2 nights before the wedding because I stupidly lost too much weight. Or making me an entire new outfit for Disney, hours before my flight. My dad will give you a hard time if you ask him about something. But then he'll write you a check and quietly leave it in the morning. Or quietly pay for the whole family to go on vacation, my husband included. My siblings will always take care of one another, even in their petty state of anger against each other. We'll still fight over the check at dinner.

My best friends will band together and make sure I have the best birthdays ever always. We never make anything about money but rather about having a good time when we hang out. We still make time to sync our schedules up to hang out, watch movies, have dinner, sleep over, go on vacations, do stupid random stuff, make time to listen to each other rant and vent, etc.

 The common thing is, all these people in my life are there for me. And when I ask them for a piece of their time, they try to make that time for me. Sometimes the stars don't always align because adult life is truly hard to navigate with everyone's differing schedules, appointments, obligations and responsibilities but the point is they try to make the time. Why?

Because you MAKE time for what's important to you. And for WHO is important to you.

And everything else? Is just an excuse. Think about it. If you start replacing your "I don't have time" or "I have to work" or "I have to watch paint dry" excuses with "It's not a priority" to me, see how it changes everything around? It shows your true colors and how you really feel. You make time for those you love, and you make time for what's more important to you. You pull strings, you go the extra mile, you work around schedules. If you don't, it shows you're not willing to put in an effort to make someone or something else a priority in your life. Which is really ridiculous. If someone important in your life is taking the time out for you, why would you not in turn do that for them? Don't love someone less than they love you if you claim to love them so much. It's not fair to the people who love you and put in the time for you and appreciate you. You're disrespecting that love. 

You know what I don't understand? Half-lovers. People who only love you when it's convenient for them. You don't get to pick and choose what's convenient for you. If you're going to commit to a relationship, commit to it. FULLY. One hundred percent. Maybe it's because I've always been spoiled all my life that I can't understand why someone would short change another person they claim to care about so much. 

I'm used to loving others 100% and giving it my all.  

When I love someone, I love hard. I will be there for them night and day. I will pick you up in the middle of the night if you need a ride cause you're locked out of your car or stranded or whatever, sit with you when you're in pain from a break up and need a shoulder to cry on, make house calls to make sure you have everything you need if you're sick or recovering post surgery, whatever. And I believe that's how love should be, whether it's between lovers, friends, family, whatever. So it hurts me to see when that love is getting taken for granted. It hurts me to see my loved ones not being loved as they deserved to be. Because they truly deserve so much more than what I see them being handed.

Don't wait to show your loved ones how much you care. Start now. Everyday. Every chance. Every moment. Make it count. Don't let times of crisis be a wake up call to realize what you had. Appreciate it NOW. Don’t let it be too late before you realize how much you love someone.

I realized this too late a few years ago when I experienced my first loss due to suicide. It happened exactly around this time of the year too. A few days after Christmas. It still haunts me everyday and I'm still going through the stages of mourning. I don't know if we ever really get over anything. Some days are just better than others. In the beginning, for the first year or two, I had a lot of trouble dealing. As time went on, I don't believe time "healed" anything but I simply learned to move forward. That's what my friend would have wanted me to do. But I also want to say I learned from my mistakes. I should have spent more time with them. But I move forward with my life now and try my hardest to spend time with the important people in my life. I try to spend more time making memories and having fun experiences. I don't want to waste time on the dumb stuff. Being angry, holding grudges, etc. Because in the end it really is a waste of time that could be better spent on the things that matter like vacations, dinners, new places, movies, etc.

Yes, I know the amount of photos I take is ridiculous. But I'd rather look back on my life and see all those photographic memories than have none due to petty resentments.

So.

Dear Santa,

You can keep all the gifts in your bag. I don’t want any of it this year. All I want for Christmas this year is something you can’t give me. My Christmas wish is for my friends and family to continue giving me their time and love when I need them. Just give me your time. I want to take even more photos next year, make even more memories and have even more fun.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, bitches.